


Blown Out

by TwilightMaster15



Series: Mock Execution Fails [6]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Catatonic, Guilt, Loneliness, M/M, Minor L/Yagami Light, Secret Crush, Shock, stupor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:29:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23415961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightMaster15/pseuds/TwilightMaster15
Summary: One minute Light was there, the next he was gone with only a shell trapped in a stupor remaining, all that fire and drive extinguished as he pulled further and further away from reality.L has to live with his guilt and hope that maybe one day his friend will come back.
Series: Mock Execution Fails [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646050
Comments: 5
Kudos: 113





	Blown Out

"I'm glad to finally be cleared..." Light said, releasing a relieved sigh. It was over, the nightmare was over. Aizawa had come to release him from that lifeless cell, he had unstrapped his bound ankles and walked him out of the dark basement and up to the garage. His father had driven there to come and get him, even though they had not taken off the handcuffs that pinned his arms behind his back he knew he was safe with his father. The fear of Kira could finally dissipate because Light had served his sentence. He had endured his punishment for being the prime suspect, and now, he could be human again, he could be free—

"No."

Any safety he felt shattered like glass. Inconceivable. Surreal. No recognition, no understanding, only the submergence of cold sweat.

"Right now, I am taking you to your execution."

_...Impossible..._

Light froze. Heartbeat stopped. His mouth and throat went dry. A chilled terror, an intangible ghost not to see, but to feel and shake and tremble as the ice possessed his body. Nails bombarded his skin, tearing his flesh open and leaving him to his wretched disbelief. "Wh-What? Execution? What are you talking about, Dad?!"

"L has concluded that you are Kira," his father replied tersely. Dry and empty, like desert sand blowing and stinging his son's eyes. "He's declared that once you are executed, the killings will end."

So unfair, it was surreal.

Silence had accompanied L's declaration, a swooning and speechless audience to the wildest of notions, the fast-paced symphony conducted by a lunatic. And then, the voices were everywhere, jeering and screaming and laughing and shrieking, terrible and relentless as the striking blows of percussion. "No! No way! Wait, Dad! I'm not Kira!"

"It's not my choice, it was L's," came a mechanical answer.

Nothing else could be perceived, there was nothing except merciless clashing of sound everywhere, tormenting fragile ears.

"L controls the police. He's solved numerous cases and has never been wrong."

 _It is wrong! This is Dad! He would never..._ the equation didn't fit... everything was hot, it was cold, so cold it was hot again, what was going on?! This wasn't logical. No, no, L must have seen it was reasonable because, of course, it only made sense with the evidence that Light was the atrocious killer, Kira... it made sense...

But it couldn't be logical because it just wasn't true! There was some missing factor! L was wrong!

Suddenly, the car stopped. They were in the middle of nowhere, pulled off of the highway onto the grass. Light gulped, praying that Soichiro, his loving father had come to his senses, had seen that this wasn't right, he was going to let him go now, keep him safe because he was his father. Damnit, his father would never...

"Light," Soichiro said sternly, turning around from the driver's seat to look at his child from behind. Then, suddenly, his police handgun was in his hand. His finger was on the trigger, the barrel targeted at the prisoner's skull. "I'm going to kill you here, and then kill myself."

"What are you saying, Dad?!" Light shouted, overcome with a shackling panic that squeezed the sweat from his skin and the tears from his eyes. "Y-You can't be serious!"

"I have the responsibility of being your father and the police chief." The words passed through tight lips that garnished a grimly angry expression. A murderous expression. An expression that did not belong to the father who loved his son unconditionally. "It's already been decided. At least this way, you'll die by my hand."

Light's rational mind was torn to shreds, ripped to pieces by the demons of horror. He was going to die. He was going to die! This wasn't logical! It wasn't right! It wasn't fair! His throat was constricted, and he couldn't breathe, his eyes were teary, so his vision was blurred, his skin was like ice, and his blood was burning. The body that might have precious seconds left to operate was trembling. "Dad, listen to me! P-Please! I swear I'm not Kira! If you kill me now, we'll all be falling into his trap! If I was Kira, there's no way I'd let you do this, but I can't do anything, so—"

"Shut up."

The words, so unfair but so real, because the gun, it was right there! The gunshot bullets that pierced skin and tore the life out of bodies that were supposed to move, and it was there. There, in his face, and his father or whoever this man was, he was squeezing the trigger. _Oh, oh, no. No, no, no!_

"Light, my son, from one murderer to another, I'll see you in hell!"

 _No, no, no, no, no! L, you're wrong, you're wrong, and Dad, you can't do this to me. You're wrong. Everything is wrong this isn't right please I don't want to die...!_ All of the sudden, guilt and innocence were just words, it didn't matter who he was or why it was happening, nothing mattered except the gun— _I don't want to die!_

BANG!

OoOoO

L walked mechanically through the task force headquarters, once brilliant mind barely able to focus—hadn't for two months. Had it really been so long since Light was actually...

He opened the door and was surprised to see Light had been left alone. Well, it wasn't like he was going to go anywhere. He hadn't been... It had been months since...

Light sat in his usual chair, rocking, rocking, always in motion. His face was pale and blank, but months ago, it had been just the same as when he was begging his father for his life, buckling under the strain and terror. That expression had faded and morphed into one resembling a doll, never emoting, never responding. Each day was the same, and the medications that were supposed to help caused more harm than good, affecting his muscles and sending him even further into a stupor. 

This was the condition Light had been in ever since that gun went off. The doctors said he had gone into shock, and now a once-brilliant young man didn't respond properly to anything. When he spoke, it made no sense, like a telephone call only heard on one side and the caller leaping from one unconnected subject to another. Yesterday he had gotten worse, his speech becoming close to "word salad," as Matsuda called it—no word connected to whatever came before. 

_What is going on in Light's head right now?_ L wondered for the umpteenth time, and remembered what a psychologist had said about it being likely Light had trapped himself in his own little world. When Mr. Yagami had first carried Light back to the headquarters, and he was unresponsive, everyone assumed this would fade in a day or so, and life would return to normal.

Only it hadn't. Nothing had succeeded in pulling Light out of this. Misa described this condition as a waking coma—he was awake, but he didn't react. And it left L to wonder why Light had been alone. Usually, when he came to check on Light and see if there had been any change, either Mr. Yagami or Misa was in here, talking to him and trying to get through to him. Maybe it had just become too painful seeing what had become of someone who four months ago had shown such a promising future until L's own stubbornness had torn it all away.

As each day passed, and they had to watch Light pull further and further from reality, it became clear that the chances of Light returning to normal were slim. L knew miracles were not normal, but he also knew that maybe Light would recover in time. However, seeing as he wasn't a patient individual and lived with the guilt of playing a key component in breaking his best friend potentially beyond repair, it had taken two weeks to fear Light's condition was irreversible.

"Hey, Light," he offered, holding out some cake, "I brought you some caramel cake—I know you like that." He couldn't bring himself to look into Light's eyes. His gaze wandered to the drip since Light didn't eat. He had to be spoon-fed, and even then, it wasn't anything that could sustain him. 

Spoon-feeding Light the cake, in the hope of getting a response, was an agonizing process. The utensil passed lifeless lips, and Light swallowed, but it was clearly more of a reflex than anything else.

L wanted to stroke his face, hold him as though that would turn back the clock and undo that horrible mistake, but Light no longer knew he was his friend, let alone someone who loved him deeply.

"What's going on in your head, Light?" He asked aloud, "Why can't you wake up?" Light didn't grace him with a response, but what was he expecting? "I know everybody probably tells you this, but we miss you, and are all worried."

The rays of the setting sun reflected off Light's empty eyes, and L bit his lip, feeling a choked sob trying to force it's way up.

"I'm sorry, Light, for what happened. If I had known it would hurt you this badly... Please, just give me a sign you're in there." He looked up, placing his hand on Light's so cold one, and he grabbed a blanket, draping it over Light's shoulders to keep him warm. 

Part of his brain told him that since Light had been Kira, him being docile and unable to react like this was good. But then L remembered that the killings had continued, so Light wasn't Kira at the moment, and this was also his _friend_.

Maybe it would be better if Light actually was dead because then there wouldn't be any false hope to cling to that perhaps today would be the day he would wake up. At this point, L wasn't asking for much, but just a sign that Light's spirit was still in there.

He wasn't sure if he was revealing a secret for the sake of pouring his heart out, or in an attempt to get a reaction from Light, but he kissed his friend's forehead, "I love you, Light... once you find a friend and equal... it's hard to lose that. Just keep fighting, you'll get there one day, and I'll be there when you wake up." He got up, "I'll go find your Dad, then I'm going to work on the case for a bit. I'll bring you something to drink." 

As L went to leave, shutting the door behind him, he only made it a few paces before having to take a detour into a storage closet and slide down the wall, slight crying turning into full-blown sobbing to the point he started giving himself hiccups.

"Come back, Light," he begged even though Light was not only in a different room but also so disconnected from reality that it was doubtful he would hear. "I'm sorry." 

He heard a knock and immediately went about trying to hide what he was doing, but when Watari was the one to come in, he knew it was pointless. Without a word, Watari hugged him,

"He'll get better eventually," Watari assured him, "Perhaps he will start recovering once Kira is brought to justice." L nodded to himself, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and taking deep breaths,

"Yes, that makes sense." He tried to convince himself as he stood up and forced himself to walk to the main room, where the task force was working on the case while he found himself distracted and unmotivated.

Hope was a fickle thing, and in L's experience, it only let you down. He had known this for years.

And yet, in the face of losing his friend and equal forever, who may have possibly been able to be something more if things had been different, all he could do was cling to the lifeline he knew deep down would let him fall.


End file.
